CHANGES

SOMEONE VERY SWEET AND KIND TO ME SAID TODAY "YOU KNOW WHAT MARK TWAIN SAID, TO BE A GOOD WRITER, YOU HAVE TO WRITE, EVERYDAY."

I HAVE BEEN WRITING SINCE I WAS IN 3RD GRADE. NOT EVERYDAY, BUT A LOT. I HAVE ALWAYS KEPT A JOURNAL, SOMETIMES TWO AT A TIME. I HAVE WRITTEN PLAYS, POEMS, SONGS, SHORT STORIES AND HAVE SEVERAL BLOGS. SOME OF THESE ARE HANGING IN SUSPENSION OUT IN CYBER LAND.

I LOVE TO WRITE. I HONESTLY DON'T MIND BEING GOOD, AND IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER TO ME. I JUST MUST WRITE.
I'M TAKING THE CHALLENGE...TO WRITE EVERYDAY, FOR 30 DAYS. IF I CONTINUE TO WRITE AFTER THAT...EXCELLENT!

MARCH 27, 2014

TODAY I RECIEVED A TEXT FROM A MAN, WHO I WAS SEEING FOR A MOMENT, WHO IS VERY UPSET ABOUT MY CAUSING DRAMA IN HIS FAMILY. I AM THE WOMAN WHO HAS SIGNED AN AFFIDAVIT THAT COULD CHANGE HIS LIFE, FOR A WHILE, OR FOREVER.
 I CHOSE TO DO THIS OUT OF CONCERN AND FROM UNDERSTANDING THAT AS A SMALL CHILD, OUR PARENTS HOLD MUCH OF OUR STORY IN THEIR HANDS.
I AM HOPING THAT MY INTERVENTION, CHANGES HER STORY FOR THE BETTER AND THAT SHE BE GIVEN A HEALTHY AND SAFE BEGINNING.

HE SEES THIS FROM A MUCH DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW. I UNDERSTAND THAT, AND CAN SEE WHERE HE IS COMING FROM AND SYMPATHIZE WITH IT IMMENSELY. ULTIMATELY, I WILL ADVOCATE FOR CHILDREN OVER THE PLIGHT OF AN ADULT, EVERYTIME.

SO THAT IS A VERY SHORT STORY ABOUT A MAN AND HIS CHILD AND ME IN THE MIDDLE. LIFE IS CHANGE AND CHANGE IS ... HAPPENING.

I FEEL VERY BLESSED TO HAVE HAD THE UP BRINGING I HAD. IT WAS RIPE WITH DRAMA, CHAOS AND PURE, INNOCENT JOY. I WAS ALLOWED TO REALLY BE IN THE ELEMENTS, RIDING ATOP A HORSE, OR SKIING ON 2 SKIS IN THE LAKE. I CLIMBED BOULDER FIELDS IN THE BACK OF MY GRANDPARENTS CABIN, I JUMPED OFF TALL ROCKS INTO THE WATER. I PICKED HUCKLE BERRIES TILL MY FINGERS WERE STAINED PURPLE FOR A WEEK. 

I HIKED WITH MY DAD BACK INTO PLACES THAT WERE STEEP AND QUIET, I FLOATED DOWN CANALS OF QUISHY MUD AND GRASSY EDGES. I SANG INTO THE FIERCE WIND AS DUSK SCRAPED OUR HILL. I GOT TO STAY UP LATE ROASTING MARSHMELLOWS OVER THE FIRE AS THE WAVES OF THE PAYETTE LAPPED THE SHORE.
IT WAS FULL OF ROMANCE AND ADVENTURE AND FAMILY AND...SWEET JOY!

IT IS VERY INTERESTING TO ME TO NOTICE, THAT THE CLOSER I AM TO MY REAL SELF, AND SHIFTING FROM THE STORY OF MYSELF I HAVE TOLD OFTEN...THE MORE THAT SWEET, ROMANTIC ADVENTURE STARTS TO SHOW ITSELF IN MY LIFE. AND THAT GIRL, WHO WAS IN-LOVE WITH LIFE AND HER BEAUTIFUL WORLD...STARTS TO STAND IN MY SHOES AND LOOK OUT MY EYES AND SMILE MY SMILE AND CRY MY TEARS AND BE...ME.

SHE IS DEAR TO ME. SHE IS MY HEART AND MY SOUL. SHE REMINDS ME OF MY DREAMS AND HOPES, AND MY LONGING FOR FAMILY AND MOUNTAINS AND TRUE LOVE... ROMANCE AND...THE SIMPLE THINGS.
I LOVE HER SPARK AND HER INQUISITIVENESS. SHE IS FULL OF SPIT AND FIRE AND...HER IMAGINATION...IS LIKE A KITE BY THE SEA, LET GO, FLOATING INTO THE SUN. 

TO HAVE THESE EYES AND BE EVEN 30 ONCE MORE...AHHHHH.
AND NOT TO BE. SO I AM HERE, WITH MY DREAMS AND HEART AND AM...
READY...OPEN.

CHANGE

LOVE

WHAT IS THIS STUFF? THIS BEATING OF OUR HEARTS?
THIS PLACE WE FEEL HAPPY, HOPEFUL & AS IF ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD?
WHAT MAKES US WANT TO BOND, HAVE BABIES AND GROW OLD TOGETHER?
IS IT CHEMISTRY? IS IT KARMIC? DO WE HAVE A UNIVERSAL CONTRACT?
IS IT EVOLUTIONARY, TO PROPAGATE OUR GENES AND PRODUCE OFF SPRING?
IS IT SCIENCE?

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
I JUST KNOW... IS A BEING IN ME THAT WANTS TO BE SEEN, HEARD, APPRECIATED, CHERISHED AND THOUGHT OF FONDLY, AND SEEN AS ATTRACTIVE BY JUST ONE MAN.
 THIS MAN CAN'T JUST BE ONE OFF THE STREET, HE NEEDS TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED, LIKE TO COOK DINNER WITH ME, WANT TO SHARE STUFF AND THINGS AND LAUGHS.
HE NEEDS TO BE LOYAL, TO ME AND MY !@#$%^&* AND JUNK AND MY LOVELINESS TOO.
THIS MAN IS THE LISTENER TO MY GRIPES FROM THE DAY, THE HOLDER OF MY DREAMS AND THE HEAT TO MY ORGASMS.
HE LOVES MY CHILDREN AND HIS OWN AND HE TAKES TIME TO MAKE COOKIES ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON.
THE MAN I CALL "LOVE", "SWEETNESS" AND "BABY"...WANTS TO ADVENTURE WITH ME, SEE BEAUTIFUL THINGS AND DIG IN TO THE GOOD !@#$%^&*! HE'LL DISCUSS WHAT THE HELL TO DO ABOUT TEENS SNEAKING OUT AT NIGHT, CRY WITH ME DURING GRADUATIONS AND KISS MY WORRIES AWAY.
THIS SWEET MAN, GETS ME BOILING, MAKES ME NEED TO GO ON RUNS AND DANCE MY !@#$%^&* OFF JUST SO I CAN GO HOME TONIGHT.
HE LEARNS MY BUTTONS AND PUSHES THEM.
 ...AND TOUCHES ME SO TENDERLY, I MELT, AND AM IN ONE PLACE...IN HIS SPACE AND PRESENCE...COMPLETELY.

IS THIS LOVE? SOME HAVE WRITTEN, YES, IT IS.
OTHERS SAY ITS ALL IN OUR MINDS, LOVE ISN'T REAL.

I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND AT LEAST KNOW THE THING CALLED LOVE IS WHAT I WANT. IN THIS LIFE TIME, AND WHILE IT IS A YEARNING IN MY HEART, BODY AND BEING...I WANT TO BE LOVED AND LOVE.

A COUPLE THINGS I KNOW ABOUT LOVE.

EVERY RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR LIFE CAN BE HEALED,
EVERY RELATIONSHIP CAN BE WONDERFUL, BUT IT'S ALWAYS GOING TO BEGIN WITH YOU. YOU NEED TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO USE THE TRUTH, TO TALK TO YOURSELF WITH THE TRUTH.

GAMBLE EVERYTHING FOR LOVE...
HALF-HEARTEDNESS DOESN'T REACH INTO MAJESTY.
DON'T WAIT ANY LONGER.
DIVE IN THE OCEAN,
LEAVE AND LET THE SEA BE YOU...

THE ONLY WAY OF FULL KNOWLEDGE LIES IN THE ACT OF LOVE; THIS ACT TRANSCENDS THOUGHT, IT TRANSCENDS WORDS.
IT IS THE DARING PLUNGE INTO THE EXPERIENCE OF UNION. TO LOVE SOMEBODY IS NOT JUST A STRONG FEELING...IT IS A DECISION, IT IS A JUDGEMENT, IT IS A PROMISE.

YOUR YEARNING FOR LOVE IS SO POWERFUL THAT I CAN FEEL YOUR HEART ALL THE TIME. WHEN YOU OPENLY LOVE ME I CAN FEEL YOUR HEART, BUT I CAN ALSO FEEL YOUR HEARTS YEARNING WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY OR SAD. TO ME, YOUR HEART IS ALWAYS CALLING, EVEN THOUGH SOMETIMES I AM UNABLE TO OPEN WITH YOU BECAUSE YOUR EMOTIONS DIVERT ME. I MAY BE AFRAID OR DISTRACTED AND YOU MAY BE UPSET, BUT I STILL FEEL YOUR HEART'S YEARNING. AND I NED TO FEEL YOUR HEART. YOUR YEARNING DRAWS ME BACK INTO LOVE'S DEPTH. YOUR YEARNING IS MY INVITATION INTO YOUR HEART.

A BRAND NEW YEAR!


YOUR SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS LIES IN YOU. RESOLVE TO KEEP HAPPY, AND YOUR JOY AND YOU SHALL FORM AN INVINCIBLE HOST AGAINST DIFFICULTIES - HELEN KELLER

THIS IS A YEAR OF UNCERTAINTY & OF POSSIBILITIES. WHAT ARE WE FOCUSING ON? WHAT DO WE WANT TO SEE IN FRONT OF OUR EYES AND IN OUR HEARTS?
WRITING MY WISHES FOR THE NEW YEAR, FEELS TO BE AN APPROPRIATE AND BEAUTIFUL THING TO DO.

* MORE JOY
* MORE AFFECTION
* MORE APPRECIATION
* MORE JOY
* MORE ADVENTURE...TRAVEL
* MORE SWEET, FANTASTIC SEX!
* MORE TIME WITH BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS
* ABUNDANCE! IN MONETARY UNITS & IN MIND, BODY, SPIRIT FORM
* EVEN HEALTHIER RELATIONS AND COMMUNICATION
* SWEET, HEART CONNECTIONS AND INTIMACY
* GUT BUSTING LAUGHS AND FUN!
* LOVE, LOVE & LOTS OF LOVE
* MORE TENDER CUDDLES
* COMMITTMENT
* NEW HORIZONS AND PERSPECTIVES
* OUTWARD ACTION THAT BUILDS TRUST & CONNECTION
* INWARD ACTION THAT BUILDS TRUST AND CONNECTION
* MORE JOY THAN THOUGHT HUMANLY POSSIBLE  :)
* KICK !@#$%^&* EXPERIENCES THAT MAKE MY EYES WATER, HEART POUND  AND LIGHT SHINE SO BRIGHT IT BLINDS AND WAKES OTHERS UP AROUND ME!
* SUCCESSFUL MOVEMENT TOWARD MY LOVE & LIFE'S WORK
* BUILDING AND SUCCESS IN FOUNDATION FOR THOSE WITH DISABILITIES
* BIG SMILE ON MY FACE ABOUT THE BLOSSOMING OF DANCE COMPANY FOR ALL!
* MORE SMILES, SMILES, SMILES & SMILES!

XO

 WRITE IT ON YOUR HEART THAT EVERY DAY IS THE BEST DAY IN THE YEAR.   - EMERSON

 LIFE IS LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE. TO KEEP YOUR BALANCE, YOU MUST KEEP MOVING.  -EINSTEIN

MY MIND DOES SOME SILLY SHIT

IT MAKES UP SUCH INTERESTING STORIES AND SCENARIOS.
I LABEL MYSELF AS EITHER GOOD OR BAD BASED ON THESE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS. I SAY "THAT IS ANNOYING." " YOUR A HOTTIE." "YOU'RE KILLIN IT." OR "YOU NEED TO GET YOUR LAZY !@#$%^&* OUTSIDE." "YOU NEED, THIS/THAT AND OTHER CRAP."
"YOU OUGHT TO GET OUT MORE." YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I LABEL MY JOURNEY ON THIS PLANET AS EITHER GOOD, BAD OR SWEET, AND I BASE IT ON MOMENTARY LABELING OF EITHER PLEASURE OR PAIN.
I AM SUCH A FUNNY CREATURE. AND MY MIND IS SO BUSY WITH ALL KINDS OF SUPER INTERESTING AND DOWN RIGHT HILARIOUS MATERIAL. I OUGHT TO BE LAUGHING MY ASS OFF, CONSTANTLY AT ALL THE !@#$%^&* THAT'S GOING ON UP THERE. 

UNFORTUNATELY, MOST OF THE TIME, OR ALL OF THE TIME I AM SO ENTRENCHED IN, AND PART OF THESE STORIES, THAT I HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME DETACHING FROM THEM AND STEPPING BACK, AND JUST NOTICING... AND CRACKING MYSELF UP.

I WONDER...CAN I JUST BE WITH WHAT IS, INSTEAD OF A LABEL?
CAN MY MIND JUST NOTICE AND PERHAPS LAUGH OR DEEPLY CRY AT WHAT I SEE, HEAR AND EXPERIENCE?

THIS IS PART OF MY QUEST
TO SEE MY JOURNEY FOR WHAT IT IS...A JOURNEY...FULL OF FLAVOR, BITTER AND SWEET... INTENSE PLEASURE AND DULLING PAIN. 
I HAVE A CHOICE TO EITHER EMBRACE IT AND LOOK AT IT, BE IN IT, LAUGH AT THE UPROARIOUS DARK COMEDY AT TIMES AND SHOUT IN ELATED ECSTASY!!...OR I CAN PUT IT IN A JAR, LABEL IT AND TELL A STORY ABOUT IT AGAIN AND AGAIN TO APPEASE MY INSANE, PRINTING PRESS PUMPING OUT STREAMS OF FICTION. EXHAUSTING!

LIFE...SUCH A SWEET EXPERIENCE...I CAN ONLY HOPE TO ENJOY IT AS IT COMES, IN ITS SMALL MOMENTS OF JUST BEING IN IT...FULLY

ALWAYS LOVED INCUBUS'S SONG "ARE YOU IN"

IF YOUR IN NEED OF ART ON YOUR WALLS...MAKE IT!

 LIGHTING CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING

 BE INSPIRED...BE INSPIRING!

 

 

NEED A MOHAWK...MAKE IT

THIS BLOG IS PURELY TO SHARE WHAT I SEE, THINGS I LIKE, THINGS I MAKE, PHOTOS I TAKE, WORDS I WRITE, PLACES I GO, THINGS I AM, BE, DO & THINGS I LOVE.   ALI